running: the dawn

After dinner this evening Mr. Dawn and I walked down the block and attended our first garage sale of the season.  What is it about garage sales that is so intriguing?  Each year around this time different families sort through their belongings and determine which items they can live without, want to replace, or have outgrown.  Then the rest of us are drawn to the collection of lived-in articles to see if any of their trash will become our new-founded treasures.

We saw a nice coffee table, some mini-fridges, and a not-so-cute dinette set.  We didn’t buy anything, but enjoyed verbally assessing whether anything would fit in with our lives.  There was a lot of baby gear: playpen, crib, clothes, high-chair.  No, neither of us are ready or interested in having children in the next few years, but we did pepper the conversation with observations about which items we would need when we (someday) will expand our family.

The walk was so nice.  Interrupted only by a host of barking dogs.  Behind fences, out on walks with their owners, across town, they all seem to want to announce to the world that they are here and mean business.  Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I have had puppy fever for almost a year.  I want a dog.  But sometimes, when I see the behavior of most dogs, I reconsider.   Barking dogs make me wonder if I really want to be a dog owner.  In my mind, owning a dog is about companionship and loyalty but along with it comes bad behavior.  Ah well…

Today was a beautifully warm day.  71 degrees when I went running after work.  Yes, I went running.  Pain Free!!  I’m not 100% confident that I’ve completely beaten the knee pain.  I’m still taking precautions: icing, stretching, yoga.  But I was able to run four miles and enjoy every step along the way.  I don’t want to get ahead of myself though.  You know what worries me?  I didn’t notice the onset of the knee pain because I was so distracted by the pain of the blisters dissipating.  Now, with these new shoes, I don’t want to over-focus on one aspect of my running.  I want to practice being aware of my entire body, any aches or pains that might need my attention.

It is amazing how different I can feel from one day to the next.  Yesterday a coworker asked me how the running has been going and it was all I could to to keep from crying.  I still felt hopeless.  I mean, I have think I have been doing everything right: stretching, varying my running surface, keeping my mileage reasonable, babying my legs.  Basically any remedies that have been suggested I’ve been doing.  I couldn’t pinpoint the reason why my knee would start acting up so abruptly seemingly out of no where.

Then I read Katye’s blog from yesterday where she shared some of her recent knee issues and how they may have been caused by the shoes she’s been wearing.  Well, since I bought my new shoes only three weeks ago, I hadn’t considered the possibility that they might somehow be involved.  When I looked back through my blog posts I did notice that once I started wearing my new shoes I also started complaining about leg trouble.  Almost down to the first day I started wearing them.  At first I was heartbroken because the shoe I’d bought were expensive and there was no way I could afford another pair so soon.  And there was no way I was going to go back to my previous pair that cause so many blisters.  Kayte suggested that I take the shoes back to the store where I purchased them and see what they could do for me.

While I was glad to have a plan and probable cause, I wasn’t so sure that would really work for me.  I am not a person who likes to make a fuss.  I eat whatever is in front of me.  I don’t call phone companies to complain.  I hate to return gifts people give.  I just like to smooth it out and deal with the consequences.  But in this situation, I can’t deal with the pain.  I had to do something.  So, I climbed in my car and headed down to Metro Run & Walk.

To tell the truth, even while I was driving down there I was worried about what I was going to say, what they were going to say, what would happen if they couldn’t fix it….just over and over in my head.  I decided to call my mom to see if I was crazy and to practice my lines.  I pulled into the parking lot, took a deep breath, and pieced together my courage before heading in.

Let me tell you.  Those two women in that store are angels!  I’m sure they could see my struggle written all across my face.  I explained to them the problems that I’ve been having with my IT Band and all about my history of shoes.  They wanted to see me run in the Brooks, so I laced them up and took them for a spin.  They discussed my gait amongst themselves in shoe-speak that I couldn’t understand which is probably much like the math-speak I sometimes use.  After explaining to me what they were observing, they decided to have me try out the Mizuno Nirvanas (which is what I’ve run in before).  Apparently my feet look amazing in Mizunos, because the two angels decided that I needed them and would take my old (three-week-old) shoes as an exchange!!!!  I’m sure that some might think, “Well, yeah, they should give you shoes!”  But I was not expecting such supportive wonderful women who cared for me as though I was their own daughter.  It was so gracious of them.

Here are the beauties

I got to chat with one of the ladies about our fear of injuries interrupting our training schedules.  She’s actually training for a half-ironman which is AMAZING!!!  She gave me all kinds of advice and was so understanding.  Just knowing that there are other people who have experienced these moments of panic, worked through it, and triumphed on the other side gives me such hope and peace.

I feel like a different person now.  Yesterday, in the valley, I feel directionless.  There was a problem that I couldn’t identify and therefore there was nothing that I could do.  Today, as I head back up toward the summit, I feel like I have found a path that will get me back on track.  Now, I know that this might not be a cure-all.  In fact, one thing that I’m realizing is that with every set back that I encounter (blisters, IT Band Syndrome) I become more aware of how to treat my body.  Since my 18-miler with the feet issues, I have taken special care of my feet.  And since Sunday, I have been doing everything possible to protect my knees from further injury: yoga, stretching, strengthening my hips/quads.  I’m much more aware of the abuse that my feet and legs deal with, and now I feel like I can cater to their needs.

As a runner, I feel a full gamut of emotions as I power through a long run.  I live out a love/hate relationship every time I lace up my shoes.  I often wonder how one activity can awake such a torrent of opposing emotions and experiences.  Sometimes I feel like I must have a split personality.  Maybe I’m related to two-face from Batman…

On my Friday run while I was plowing through the miles I started to think about various dichotomies that coexist in me as a runner.

peace : worry
calm : urgency
joy : pain
accomplishment : disappointment
fear : courage
pride : shame
excitement : terror
exhaustion : energy
heightened awareness : zoned out
in touch with nature : annoyed with weather
prepared : impromptu
agile : stiff
fit : fatigue
fierce : fragile
connected : isolated

Running is the source for all these seemingly contradictory states of being.  Sometimes a run is just joy and ease.  Other days it is all willpower and stress.  Most of the time however the polarizing feelings listed find a way to coexist within me while I run.  I feel consumed by the contradictory.

The biggest challenge about this is trying to explain why I run to those who’ve never experienced how running brings out these conflicting paradigms.  I feel like I can’t ever talk about the downsides, the times I feel depressed because I didn’t run as strong as I wanted to, because that is just enough fuel for the non-runner to hold on to.  That’s what I love about having people who are also runners and understand that even though running can bring me negative emotions, it is also the source of my highest highs.  The feelings of accomplishment just can’t be beat.

What about you?  What does your list include?  I’m sure that we all have things in our lives that bring out an entire spectrum of emotions and experiences.  It is being a mother?  Your job?  Another form of exercise?  What contradictions do you live?

I am not a happy camper runner.  I feel like I’ve been doing everything right lately.  Stretching, icing, cross training. Regardless of all of that I wasn’t able to finish my run today.  The most annoying part?  Everything felt amazing!  Well, up until it didn’t.

I did my usual getting ready routine.  Set out, and the miles just flew by.  I actually remember thinking to myself, “Wow!  I can’t believe how great my legs are doing!  This is the best they’ve felt in the past two weeks.”  Then, just after I passed mile 12 and only had three left towards my goal of 15.  I felt a rock pop up and get lodged in my shoe.  I stopped just long enough to fish it out but when I started back up there was a terrible pain on the outside of my knee.  Now, I’ve felt knee pain before and usually I am able to stretch it out or run it off.  Nothing worked this time.  I couldn’t run more than a few paces before I would have to stop.  Even walking was a challenge.

UGGGHHHH!!!  So maddening.  To add to the frustration, I had forgotten what route I was supposed to follow and had veered way off course, so I was at least 5 or 6 miles from my house.  In pain, desperation, and a little humiliation I called Mr. Dawn to come and rescue me.  He listened and chatted with me while he drove out to get me.  Trying to be positive, when I know all he wanted to do was tell me that I need to take a break from running, which is NOT what I want to hear.

I am heartbroken.  Grumpy.  Angry.  Disgusted.  Sad.  Frustrated.

For now, my plan is to take a couple days off, follow the RICE method (rest, ice, compression, elevation) and hopefully ease myself back into the training.  If anyone has suggestions to speed the recovery process I am all ears!

So, after some suggestions, I am ready to officially proclaim that hence forth my training schedule will be known as:

Sir Cap’n Pete Who-Must-Be-Obeyed*

*He will probably go by “Pete” or “the Cap’n” in future posts.

Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions This is actually a medley of the suggestions given by Aunt Mary and my mother.  Thank you ladies for your brilliant ideas.  If anyone is interested here is a link to the pdf of my training plan (Sir Cap’n Pete).  It’s an adaptation of Pete Pfitzinger’s 12 week, 55 mile max plan.  Probably not that interesting.  I’ve already completed two weeks of it, so I guess I’m a little behind.  Am I going to be one of those people who doesn’t name my child for a month because I want the name to speak to me?  Hmmmm…let’s hope not.

After Sunday’s tortured run on the dreadmill, I feel like I had a fairly strong week of running.  Hit my goals pretty much right on target and with the addition of the pull up bar I got in some decent cross training.

This week’s miles:

Sunday-13; first long run that also included my “marathon pace” and although it was on a treadmill, I survived.
Monday-5; recovery run.
Tuesday-nothing; well, I mean no miles.  I did go to Jazzercise afterall…
Wednesday-11; mid-week mid-distance that stole all my energy reserves from me.
Thursday-zero; the beginning of my quest for a pull-up begins.
Friday-8; with 4 at my 15k pace.  I ended up doing them at an 8:15 pace, rather than the prescribed 8:30!  Yay!

Total miles: 37

I was tempted to do a short run on Thursday to get my miles at 40, but I am trying to get my knee back at 100%, so I’ll save the junk miles and rest up instead.

My run today was so challenging.  Not in the actual running of it, but the getting me out the door.  I got home a little later than usual and so I decided that I needed to do some things around the house including getting supper ready before heading out.  Somehow that turned into me finding one excuse after another and had to wrestle the self doubt to the ground.

I started with a three mile warm up at an easy pace.  I decided to include a recalibration of the dear nike+ system because I was worried that it would be lying to me about my pace, and since this was meant to be a lactate threshold workout I didn’t want to cheat myself out of anything.  After my two laps around the track I set off.  Once the warm up was complete I was off on the open road with my “running fast” playlist blaring and my feet cruising along.

I knew there were going to be two pretty major hills during my speedy miles, so I didn’t worry too much when I checked my pace and it was under 8 miles.  I knew I wouldn’t be holding that pace during the hilly section.  The weirdest part?  My slowest section was the mega-hill I call Big Bertha, as I was running down. Not up.  Down.  Strange.  I mean, I guess most of my focus was on making sure that I didn’t fall on my face and that could have contributed to the sluggish pace.

Half way up the second hill I had to resort to my motivational grunts.  I don’t know what it is about putting voice to the pain that makes it seem more bearable.  It simultaneously makes me feel hard core and extremely silly.  Like I want to laugh at myself and/or punch something.  A very strange dichotomy.

I had a bit of a love/hate relationship with my run yesterday.  I think that it’s my longest mid-week run to date at 11 miles.  On the one hand, it felt solid and good to be able to get out there and throw down double digits on a Wednesday.  Conversely, I was surprised at how much it wiped me out.

The timing of long mid-week runs is tricky for me.  I am done teaching on Wednesdays by 1:30, so I usually don’t eat lunch until after then.  Yesterday was more complex because I had to go to an eye appointment at 2:00 which pushed lunch back even later.  Since I didn’t eat until after 3, I wanted to wait for the food to settle a bit before pounding out my miles.  I finally headed out sometime after 5.

Also, I seem to be having trouble with my pacing lately.  My schedule calls for my easy runs to be paced between 9:40 and 10:10 minutes per mile.  I tried to monitor myself and slow down when necessary, but there seems to be an internal mechanism that pushes my legs faster than I can control.  Mr. Dawn doesn’t see the problem with this, and granted, I prefer to be too fast than too slow…but I’m trying to stick to my training plan so that I can see what changes to make for next time.  I know it seems silly, but I really am trying to stick to my plan.

The miles themselves were pretty good.  I had not done a good job in picking my clothing however.  It was pretty cold in my house while I was getting ready, so instead of using my arm warmers I opted for a fleece.  This turned out to be too warm for the first half of the run.  I ended up taking it off and tying it around my waist which then just annoyed me.

The good news is that I was able to use the last of my nasty strawberry-banana gu.  Yes, it is as gross as it sounds.  But, its gone now and I don’t have to worry about pulling that out during my long runs.

By the end of the run I had completed the 11 miles with a 9:25 average pace.  Still too fast for my goal, but I felt calm and relaxed the whole time, so I’m just going to go with it.

I was not prepared for how I would feel once I got home.  I wasn’t sick or in pain, but I was exhausted.  I felt completely depleted.  Lethargic even.  I don’t think I was dehydrated because I’d taken my handheld water bottle AND I found that there is water available in a cemetery that I love to run through.  I took two gu’s so I wasn’t lacking in electrolytes or calories.  It’s very strange to me.  After I showered I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and go to sleep and it was just 8:00!  Now, I am a good sleeper.  I could sleep almost anywhere at anytime.  I can fall asleep even when I’m not that tired.  But this was different.  Not just tired or sleepy, but wasted.  Completely worn out.

I forced myself to drink some nuun and then I stretched out for a half an hour before crawling into bed by 9:30.  As I lay there I wondered, “what is going on with me?”  Maybe it was the fast pace.  Maybe I didn’t eat enough during the day.  Who knows…

I feel 100% better today.  I’m going to take the day off of running, but I might spend some time doing some chin-ups on my new pull-up bar.  Or at least attempt them.  I’m pretty sure I still can’t do any real ones….

The Mr. gave me the go ahead to day to purchase a pull-up bar for our home! I always feel funny buying things that carry the “as seen on tv” stamp.  Don’t get me wrong, some of the best inventions find their start in infomercials (hello snuggie!).  Here’s the one I ended up finding.  On sale of course…

After assembling this simple piece of equipment, I decided to give it a go.  Oh. My. Word.  Seriously?  I like to consider myself relatively fit.  Not any more…this will engage a whole new set of muscles.  And by muscles, I mean pain. I did two “negative” chin-ups (that’s when you jump up and then slowly lower yourself down).  I felt every muscle in my arms, back and abs engaged.  I am excited to explore and try different exercises.  My home gym is slowly taking shape.

I expect to be ripped like this shortly:

This may come as a shock to most…I love wearing high heels. 

I used to wear heels all the time.  Before my teaching days, I worked in an office environment.  I wore heels nearly every day.  95% because I’m short and don’t like to take the time/energy/money to get my pants tailored to fit properly, but the other 5% is because I love them.  Heels are so cute!  They dress up any outfit (aside from sweats) and make me feel more presentable and fashionable. 

Even as a teacher 3 out of 5 days I am usually in a heel of some kind.  Yes, I know they aren’t the best for my posture.  Yes, they do hurt my feet after a full day of teaching.  But I love them. 

Lately, I have been forced out of my beloved pumps.  Because I love running more.  At the beginning of my training I would still wear heels once or twice a week when I wasn’t too sore.  Now though, I’m either sore from a hard workout or worried that wearing the heels will tighten my calf muscles too much leading me to injure myself.  Since my desire to continue to train outweighs my fashion sense, I have not worn a heel in over a month.  [gasp!]

While I was getting ready this morning the time came to pick my shoes for the day.  I opened my closet and stared longingly at my collection of heels on the top shelf.  They seemed sad.  Lonely.  I wanted nothing more than to pick my favorite pair and throw them on.  Then I remembered my knee.  It hurt while running yesterday.  I have another 5 mile run planned tonight.  It’s just not the day for heels.  [sigh]

So, on went the Birkenstock clogs that have been my go-to shoes for the past few months.  Yes, I do own and wear cute and colorful flats, which helps my need to be expressive through my footwear.  It’s just not the same though. 

Each day that I say no to the heels, I know that I’m making a wise decision.  I know that I have my priorities laid out correctly.  But that message doesn’t always make it from my head down to my feet…

Today I ran my first long run assigned to me by my training schedule (so far, the only name suggested is Joe…).  It was not ideal.  Mr. Dawn and I decided to go to Chicago this weekend, kinda at the last minute.  This meant that I would be doing my prescribed training run out of my normal routine.  This should not have made a big difference.  This time, however, it did.

Now, there were many things that were within my control that if I had planned just a little bit better would have made the run much more successful.  Things like:

• Bring my ipod with me on the trip.  I did not do that.  Not sure how I could forget such a vital piece of equipment.  This was my biggest mistake.  Because I didn’t have any means to measure or track my progress I was then forced to run indoors on a treadmill to make sure that I hit my target pace and ran the correct distance.  In addition to that I didn’t have my audiobook to keep me company.  I always listen to a book when there is not a chatty running partner to entertain me with stories and/or listen to mine.
• Pack a gu or two.  I must admit.  I used to be somewhat flexible with what energy sources I use on long runs.  Cliff shots?  Sure.  PowerGels? Why not?  Sportbeans?  Yummy.  But I feel like I have painted myself into a corner and I really like the Gu brand.  It is the consistency that I enjoy and the flavors that don’t make me gag.  A perfect combo.  My brother was sweet enough to give me some of the gels that he had lying around his house, but in the middle of a 13-mile treadmill run I would have done just about anything for some mint chocolate or espresso love…

Somethings were out of my control that made the run a challenging mental battle:

• The treadmills we ran on faced a window.  Directly on the other side of the window was a bush.  If I let myself I would get overwhelmed by the incessant bobbing of the branches.  When I run outside, I can look out into the horizon and not notice the movement as much.  But with something that close, remaining stationary, and taking up my entire view, I found myself battling a little motion sickness.
• The room itself was warmer than I’m used to.  True, on the one hand that probably better prepares me for the conditions I will face in San Diego…however I sweated more than I am used to.  It was just pouring down my face and stinging my eyes.  I had a towel and felt like I had to use it every 10 steps or so.

Here’s how I overcame the challenges:

• I broke my run into three segments: 5 miles, 4 miles, and 4 miles.  I let myself go a fill my water bottle between segments and step outside into the cool fresh air for a few moments.  It was so much easier to count down those segments than it would have been to try to go from mile 1 straight through to mile 13.
• I refused to quit.  There were some moments around mile 6 that I almost gave in to the little voices of doubt inside my head that were listing off all the reasons why it would be ok to step off the treadmill and walk away.  I knew that I would be so mad at myself if I did that, so I stuck it out.
• I stayed hydrated.  There was so much water coming out of me I knew the only way to make it was to replenish it as much as possible.
• I watched the ducks.  There was a cute little duck that was waddling around outside the window.  For some reason it fascinated me and I passed a lot of the time watching it go about it’s little ducky business.

Before today the furthest I had run on a treadmill was 10 miles.  Now I remember why.