maintenance and doubt
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One week into my training cycle and I am feeling full of doubt. Today I printed off my schedule to hang on my fridge. This time I decided to also print off my pace goals and interval times so that I wouldn’t always have to look at them on my computer. There’s something so unnerving about looking at those numbers. In order to qualify for Boston, I would have to run a 8:27 minutes per mile pace. For ALL 26.2 miles. Seriously? That doesn’t seem doable. At all…
I clipped up the plan and times then stood there staring at the papers. What am I thinking? Who am I kidding? I’ve been running three times in the past three weeks and while it wasn’t a struggle…I wasn’t breaking any records or flying on air. Running fast takes so much hard work! At this point in time, I know that I can run marathons, I know that I can enjoy them, I even know that I can run faster…what I don’t know is if I can get fast enough. I’m also starting to worry about the training and what training does to me. I admit it. I get a little obsessed when I am training with specific time goals in mind. My poor husband…he really does put up with the brunt of my crazy.
Right now I feel like I could go either way. I could back off and find a new goal or go for it and risk total failure. As of yet I haven’t invested yet. It’s still safe to back off. Honestly whenever I think about it I feel like a scared little kid.
I used to be a gymnast. I started when I was in second grade and I LOVED it! It was so fun to learn new things and hang out with my friends. But I was always scared to try something new, especially if there was a chance that I would not be good at it. I remember when my teachers were trying to get me to do a back walkover on the balance beam. I would stand there paralyzed with fear. My right leg was extended in front of me, toes pointed in readiness. My arms were lifted above my head ready to reach back and find the beam. But I just couldn’t do it. They had me practice on the floor until I could stay straight and on the line. Then they moved me to a beam that was just a few inches off the floor. No matter how much encouragement they gave me, as soon as I got on the real beam I would freeze up and refuse to try.
Now, I know that I can’t go back in time and force the little version of me to man-up and go for it. But I can choose a different path today. I can choose to try, even at the risk of failure. I can put my heart out there and want something that seems impossible to do. I can fail, recover and try again if I need to.
I say, Go for it! Isn’t there some cliche about shooting for the moon and landing among the stars? Well, who needs cliches? But there is something to be said for reaching above what we think we can do. Challenge yourself and be stretched: and you’ll never shrink back to that scared seven-year-old.
Aaaand also…
1. That audiobook was fun! I bought one about Aquinas (theology nerd!) that I think I’m going to try out. It kept me on my bike ride for an extra 40 minutes, so I think it’s exercise approved. Let’s see if it can sustain me through the less enjoyable running experience.
2. I think I’m afraid to set a goal in running because as long as I’m just “trying it out,” then I’m always beating my own expectations. But if you can make some scary goals, maybe I can too.
Great post. Go for it! You definitely have what it takes.
Okay, what’s the worst possible thing that could happen if you try let’s say 18 qualifying races and fail? Well, let’s see, your folks will probably disown you, I know how they are. Greg will regret ever having married you, that’s just like him. Mom and I will sit here and make fun of you (“That Gina! Who was she kidding, trying for **Boston**?”) And your mother-in-law will definitely be completely disgusted, I know her too well. Your students will all tune you right out, since anyone who can’t qualify for Boston clearly can’t teach math. On the other hand, you’d still be pretty fit and therefore feeling pretty good, having tried 18 marathons. So, exactly what is the down side, again???
Need I say more?
Train for Boston!! And watch this for inspiration >> http://www.hulu.com/watch/85354/spirit-of-the-marathon?c=Health-and-Wellness
I say go for it! No one says you have to do it all in one go, either. You can whittle off some time, whittle off some time and eventually you’ll get there. Each run cycle you’ll get stronger and more confident.
YOU CAN DO IT!!! We will set up Sunday long runs soon! I have confidence in you, if you never try, you’ll never know, and I would hate for you to have regrets that you didn’t do it because we all know you CAN!