running: the dawn

I’m not sure exactly when I became a person who enjoys watching marathons…. I mean, I know they aren’t terribly exciting.  There aren’t points or half time.  There aren’t hotdogs for sale or mascots pumping up the crowd.  There’s just a whole bunch of people running along the road.

I did watch the entire Boston Marathon last April on my computer.  Actually I watched it twice.  Since I was streaming it, I could rewind it back to the beginning and watch it all again.  Then I watched the Chicago Marathon a week before my race.  While I didn’t love the commentators for that race it was still so exciting.

Today, I watched the live streaming Marine Corp Marathon.  Now…just a note.  This was not a televised marathon.  There wasn’t a huge panel of elite runners and I’m pretty sure not many other people cared that much about it.  In fact, the “stream” was completely silent and it just alternated back and forth from the media truck feed, to the helicopters, to some stationary cameras.  But I did watch all 2.5 hours of it.  And I loved it!

Then, this afternoon I was watching football and my heart skipped a beat when a commercial came on announcing that next week’s New York Marathon will be live on TV.  I actually feel giddy that I get to watch it.  I put it on my calendar and am going to get a text message wake up call so that I will be ready for the start.

Its a sickness, really.

In other news, my running hiatus is officially over.  I went for a quick 4ish miles–at least I think…there was no garmin.  It was cool.  It was sunny.  It felt great.  Welcome back dear friend.  I don’t really have a plan for the next few weeks when it comes to running.  I want to slowly build my miles up to be ready for training, but that won’t be for 5 or 6 weeks.  Not sure how I’ll do without a formal plan.  It’s been almost a year since I was just running to run, without a training plan.  We’ll see….

Ok, so it might be a bit of a stretch to start my weekly count down this far out…but really, until April 18, 2011 I’ll be thinking of Boston on a constant basis.  So I might as well just admit it and move on.  Also, just because I’m in my “off season” and/or “base-building” phase I don’t want to completely fall off the wagon when it comes to fitness and exercise.  So, my weekly summary is still going to be on Fridays and will just recap whatever I’ve been doing that week.  You know…as usual

I did miss it last week, so I’ll do both today.  It’s gonna be easy/boring since I’m still in my two weeks of no running but here it is:

Last Week:
Sunday: GR Marathon
Monday: rest
Tuesday: rest
Wednesday: rest
Thursday: Jazzercise
Friday: rest

Totals: 26.2 miles….and 1 day of Jazzercise…

This week:
Sunday: rest (does watching 6 hours of football count towards anything?
Monday: Jazzercise
Tuesday: Jazzercise
Wednesday: Jazzercise
Thursday: Jazzercise
Friday: Jazzercise

Totals: 5 days of Jazz

I love cross training.  Well, I love being able to do so much Jazzercise.  It’s just so fun!  And I did increase my weights which has been amazing.  Seriously, my arms are tired and sore.  It feels so amazing to be stretching and challenging the rest of my body while my legs recover.

On the running front, I am excited to be coming to the end of my two week hiatus from running.  I will not be following a formal training plan for another month or so, but I am excited about new running partners I’ve found and want to explore new routes I’m discovering.  I may even add some trail running (gasp!) hopefully before the snow makes that impossible.

Hills.  Seriously, when I think about running Boston, all I can think about are the hills.  I have some pretty impressive hills around here that will serve me nicely as I start to train.  I just need to figure out how best to incorporate them into my training.  I’m not sure if I want to have a specific day set aside to run hills and just have that be my workout for the day…or if I will just find hilly routes to run all of my training runs on….or what.  I do know that I need to embrace the hill if I want to survive Boston.

One of my students was talking to me today about organizing a running club on campus.  I. Could. Not. Be. More. Excited.  We live in a super small town where there is no “track club” or “striders” or anything like that.  I love the idea of having a community of people who all love to run.  And meeting more people who are in the beginning stages of running/marathoning.  I think that’s what I love most about running: the community.

So much excitement!

I just removed the last bit of blister induced dead skin from my feet.  The final tangible reminder of my recent 26.2 jaunt.  The physical healing is almost complete, meanwhile the emotional and mental muscles could still use a good stretch.  As I clipped away the last bit of the old skin off to give room for the new skin to grow I decided that this would be the last day that I rehash my marathon.  After today, it’s time to move on to the next challenge.

I have a really difficult time rejoicing over victories.  In the hours and days after Grand Rapids, I had a struggled to reply when people would say to me, “How excited are you?” and “I bet you’re on cloud 9!” and “Congratulations!”  I would immediately down play the whole ordeal and undermine my accomplishment with responses like, “Yea, I just barely squeaked by,” or “I don’t know how I did that!”  But now, with over a week between me and the race, I have started to feel more celebratory.  This perspective has come for two main reasons:

1. This weekend I saw my high school PE teacher Mrs. M.  She’s been keeping up with my running journey on facebook and she was SO thrilled with my time at the marathon.  She then decided to look up my fastest mile time from high school.  Now, do not be fooled.  I was NOT a runner in high school.  I detested the mile run that we had to do at the beginning of the school year.  It was pure evil.  And I’m pretty sure that I complained about it like it was my own personal death march.  We got graded on our speed as it compared to the “Presidential Fitness” test.  One year she actually had the boys come and run with some of us girls to “motivate” us to get a better grade.  I was so angry that I had to run with one of the fastest guys with him yelling at me to “run faster!”  However, it worked and I got my fastest mile that day: 8:07.  HA!  That’s how fast I ran mile 26 of my marathon!!!  Talk about growth!
2. Last year, in September I returned to running after taking 2 years off.  It was hard and not pretty.  I had a really rough time finding motivation to get out there and log the miles.  So my running sister Andi and I decided to “challenge” each other through the Nike+ website.  The first challenge was to see who could run more miles in 30 days.  She won that one (I blame the time difference, since she could wait until I went to sleep on the east coast and then go run just enough to beat me, since she lived on the west coast, but whatever ).  Then we decided to do a speed challenge: who could run a faster 2 miles.  It was SOOOO hard!  I would go out every afternoon and find the flattest route and sprint for all I was worth for two miles.  My fastest time–the time that won?  17:05.  Which breaks down to 8:33 per mile.  That was me running all out for two miles.  Exactly 8 seconds per mile SLOWER than my average pace for 26.2 miles!

I may have dreamed about running Boston “someday” when I first started running 6 years ago.  But that dream seemed like it was made out of fairies and pixie dust.  Especially since I  ran 11+ minute miles for my first half marathon.  And when I take a moment and really think about how far I’ve come, I realize that this accomplishment deserves little moment of celebration.  I hope that when my time comes and I’m standing at the starting line of the Boston Marathon I take a moment and think about all the time I thought it was impossible.  Think about all the struggles I had along the way and soak in every second of that race.

Over the years I’ve built up emotional callouses.  Thickened my skin so that I wouldn’t get hurt if I fail.  My callouses protect me and keep me from unnecessary pain.  But this time?  I didn’t fail.  My thick skin just caused a blister full of pent up excitement, expectation, joy, and accomplishment.  Now, with the new skin on my toes, there is also the fresh new skin of a whole new me.  A me that I believe in.  A me that goes after the impossible goal.  A me that, in 174 days, will run the Boston Marathon.

**ok…now I can actually move on and start writing about something and/or everything else!**

I am half way through my self-imposed two weeks off from running.  I did this after San Diego to regroup and recover fully before entering into the intense quest for a BQ.  It paid off huge, and I’m pretty sure that from now on I will follow any race-effort marathon with a two week hiatus from the running scene.

So, what am I doing with all my time?  Well…. Jazzercise, of course!  We have a new instructor at our little center, which is terribly exciting.  I’m toying with the idea of bumping up my weights that I use to shock my muscles into new growth.  Oh, and I’ve been looking for another cardio activity to add into the mix during this, my off-season.  My brother has been doing the Insanity DVD’s and LOVEs them.

The other thing that I’m going to do with my time is map out my training plan for Boston.  Here’s my dilemma: I know that Boston is a challenging course so I’m not sure that going for a PR is within reason.  So, I want to have a spring marathon that I can run all out and hopefully get a 3:35 (yes, I’m addicted to goals).  Morgan from Red Head Running is planning on doing the Cleveland Marathon and going for a BQ.  I would love to train and run it with her, but I’m not sure how to balance the two marathons.  Cleveland is three weeks after Boston.  Right now my idea is that I will do a full 18-week training cycle for the spring, but I’m not sure if I should start it so that it ends at Boston, then just “maintain” in the weeks in between time.  Or if I should have the 18 weeks end on May 15, and run Boston as my final long run towards Cleveland?  The drawback to doing that is that I will be at my peak mileage when Boston happens, so I’d be running on tired legs.  The plus would be that I would be in prime condition for Cleveland.  UGH…what to do…

The final thing that I am planning on doing these two weeks is developing a budget for our trip to Boston.  We’ve been discussing the possibility of going to the Boston Marathon since April of last year.  Knowing that it’s going to hit our bank accounts hard we’re trying to be as economical about it as possible.  At the same time, I’m not sure if I will ever be returning to run the most famous marathon, so I want to take full advantage of the opportunity.  I do better when I have all the numbers in front of me.  Then I know how much to set aside so the trip isn’t a burden and I sleep better at night.  Have I ever mentioned how much I love Google docs?  Mr. Dawn and I do all of our budgeting on there so that we can both see and edit the spreadsheets.  Its fabulous.

Yesterday I read an article that a friend posted on Facebook.  It was about elite athletes and their ability to push themselves despite the pain.  It mentioned their mental focus and the ability to train their bodies at and to their limits.  That wasn’t the part that caught my attention though.

“Some think elite athletes have an easy time of it,” Dr. Swart said in a telephone interview. Nothing could be further from the truth. And as athletes improve — getting faster and beating their own records — “it never gets any easier,” Dr. Swart said. “You hurt just as much.” But, he added, “Knowing how to accept that allows people to improve their performance.” (source)

This actually makes me feel better in a weird sort of way.  I don’t know why I had it stuck in my head that running would get “easier” that somehow faster meant I would be more fit and therefore things would come easier.  But it makes sense.  If I’m pushing myself, getting better and stronger, I should continue to perform and race at the edge of my limitations.  Ergo running will continue to be difficult.  Unless I back off and remain satisfied with lesser performance (which doesn’t seem like me…).  The article goes on:

“Our hypothesis is that elite athletes are able to motivate themselves continuously and are able to run the gantlet between pushing too hard — and failing to finish — and underperforming,” Dr. Swart said. To find this motivation, the athletes must resist the feeling that they are too tired and have to slow down, he added. Instead, they have to concentrate on increasing the intensity of their effort. That, Dr. Swart said, takes “mental strength,” but “allows them to perform close to their maximal ability.” (source)

Yes.  The whole concentrating on increasing the intensity is exactly what it takes!  I don’t know why this has taken me so long to figure out and accept!  I always think that I will be successful with an even effort. But the truth is that the longer one performs at a high level the harder it is to sustain that level.  Duh!  I’m seriously having all kinds of epiphanies over here!

It was just a perfect day for me to read something like this.  I don’t want to say that I’m not thrilled and over the moon about my recent BQ, because I AM!  But there’s something in me that wishes I had run a more effortless race.  I’ve been disappointed that it was such a struggle for me.  But after reading this article, I have let go of that disappointment.  I feel like I better understand what happened on race day and that it means I was pushing the boundaries of my current abilities.  I was stretching myself.  Now, by no means am I on the same playing field as the Ryan Halls and Kara Gouchers of the world…but I am learning that I can run on the brink of failure yet find success.

In the weeks and months leading up to the Grand Rapids Marathon I believed that it was going to play out in one of two ways:  I would either crumble into a pile of cramping pain, puking my guts out, and crawling on my hands and knees across the finish line in a humiliating PW (personal worst) time; OR I would breeze through on clouds of bubble gum and roses crossing the finish line practically on wings.  I mean that’s what happens when you go after a BQ (Boston Qualifier) time, right?  Success or utter failure.  It takes the perfect race, with perfect conditions, after perfectly training.  Its either going to all come together or you’re going to fall apart.  At least that’s what I convinced myself would happen.

This race was neither of those.  It was not perfect, but I didn’t fall completely apart.  I succeeded and yet there were such feelings of failure weaved throughout the marathon.  I’ve been having such a hard time putting my feelings about this race into words, so bear with me if this report contains more emotional tangents than necessary and/or doesn’t really make sense.

Expo

I wasn’t able to spend much time at the expo since we got there 45 minutes before  it was going to close and a lot of the vendors where already packing up shop and calling it a day.  So I got in and out in almost no time at all.  The expo was on the 3rd floor of one of the most impressive YMCA’s that I’ve ever seen!  There was an entire indoor water park with slides, a huge gym and so many different areas for every kind of exercise.  If I lived in Grand Rapids, I would hang out there all the time.

Race Eve Prep

Mr. Dawn called the Olive Garden one block from our hotel to get our names on the list and we got there just in time to walk right into our table.  It was genius.  I ate the entire dinner portion of my capellini pomodoro, along with two full salads and almost a dozen bread sticks!  I can’t ever finish my dish, but Mr. Dawn kept handing me more bread saying “carb it up!”  Sounded good to me!

I wanted to get a bagel, so we headed over to Panera.  Then mom needed some art supplies for her poster-making so we made a quick Target run.  Well, it was supposed to be quick.  Mom ran in while we stayed in the car.  We were just circling the lot waiting for her to come out when some poor teenage girl runs her car RIGHT into us.  It was NOT awesome.  Luckily dad had opted for the insurance when they rented their car so it wasn’t too awful.  Our group had two cars, so I could get shuttled back to the hotel while they were dealing with the police reports and such.  I was pretty sure that this was a bad way to keep me “calm” and “centered” for the race…

Finally I was back to the hotel studying the map and laying out my gear.

Race Day **whew…just typing that brought back a flood of emotion…pull it together woman**

I slept amazing from 9:30pm to 1:30am.  Then it was 45 minute intervals of sleep, check time, sleep, check time, sleep…until 6 when my alarm went off and it was time for my breakfast.  I ate a Luna bar, bagel, and drank some Gatorade.  I suited up and was ready to roll by 7am.

We got to the YMCA and I hopped out so they could go find a parking spot and I could get in the port-a-potty line.  The lines were much longer than I expected, since we also had access to the bathrooms inside.  I was able to use the facilities, find the Gazelle, get hugs from my cheer squad, and make it to the corral.

I felt calm, relaxed, and excited.  There’s always a buzz in the air in the few moments before a marathon begins.  I love looking around and realizing that these are the people that will forever share this day–this race–with me.  I think about all the hours of training we’ve all put in, the commitment we each made, the hopes that we will carry with us.  It’s amazing to be connected to so many people.

Then the countdown and we were off.  Honestly, from the start to mile 14, the race was very one note.  Everything felt fine, there were some hills but our pace was even and conservative.  We talked very little except to check our pace bands and compare notes on how we were feeling about the pace.  It was a beautiful day to run and we were really enjoying ourselves.

We got to see our cheering team the first time at around mile 7, and they were so great!  Cowbells, signs, the whole 9.  For this race I went with a new hydration plan.  Since I knew that I would be able to see my crew at 7, 12, 17, and 23 we had two 10 oz. handhelds pre-stocked with gu and salt that we would trade out.  It worked like a dream.  I would toss my bottle to someone, Andi would hand me the new one with a 50/50 mix of Gatorade and water.  No muss, no fuss.

Somewhere around mile 8 a guy started talking to me about my skirt.  He asked “what is that?” and after I figured out what he was referring to I told him that he could buy his own at runningskirts.com! Sure, guys wear them too!  I think another guy asked if I was wearing a kilt, or if I was Scottish or something, but I couldn’t really understand, so I laughed and just kept running.

Mile 14.  I met one of my guardian angels.  I didn’t know it at the time, but talking to the Marathon Maniac with the peace signs on his headband was one of the best decision I made all day.  I said, “Hey Maniac, what number marathon is this for this year?”  We chatted about his marathons and learned that this was his fourth marathon in 9 days!  Two last week, including Chicago, and two this week: Indianapolis and Grand Rapids.  We told him that we were trying to qualify for Boston and learned that he qualified last year at Chicago, but was using that time to register this year.  So we talked about registration opening “tomorrow” (Monday) and wondering how it was going to play out.  This caught the attention of an older man running just slightly in front of us.  Turns out he was pacing his running partner at her BQ attempt.  From then on we became a team.  An impromptu pace group with the goal of 3:40:59.  I didn’t recognize that the Maniac was intentionally staying with us until the turn around at 17.  I asked if his goal was now 3:40 and he said, “Well, I have to see that you guys make it to Boston!”

The game plan was to keep the pace at or below 8:26 until mile 20, and then if there was any get-up-and-go left we could start speeding up after 20.  The good part of this plan was that we didn’t go out too fast and burn up our energy early.  The downside to this plan was that when we got to mile 20 and I didn’t have any speed left there was such a small margin of error I just wasn’t sure that I was going to be able to hang on.  I was measuring everything in seconds.  It was terrifying.  I knew that there could be NO slowing down.  I had to maintain.  And that started messing with my head.  My legs felt fine, but the more I thought about how close I was going to be to either making or missing my goal my heart rate would soar and my breathing would fall off sync.

Somewhere between mile 21 and 22 I fell off pace and the Gazelle got out in front of me.  This did not help my mental anguish.  All I could think about was that I didn’t want to miss it by 5 seconds.  I didn’t want to cross the finish line in 3:41:04.  I’d rather miss it by a mile.  That made the overwhelming desire to walk even stronger.  That was when the Maniac turned coach and saved me.  He kept saying that I was still on pace and I was going to pull through this rough spot.  He told me to pick a spot on the Gazelle’s shirt and to keep my focus on it, blot out distractions and just breathe.  He told me about the tough times during his BQ attempt and how he pulled through.  I didn’t quite believe that I was going to make it, but I know that if he hadn’t been there I would have walked.

By 23.5 Mr. Dawn and Andi showed up again.  Mr. Dawn started running along side and switched out my water bottle and the new one had wonderfully ice cold water that never tasted so good!  He ran me up the hill and then broke off.  Just after that E (former student) was waiting to run me to the finish.  It was so great to have another person to distract me.  Another voice telling me that I was running strong and looking good.  I didn’t feel good, but hearing that from the Maniac, Mr. Dawn, and E was so helpful.

Somewhere around 24 I caught back up to the Gazelle.  Maniac man pointed out that it wasn’t because she’d slowed down, but we had gotten back on pace and gained on her.  Mr. Dawn met us again at 24.5 just as I started to pull out ahead.  I started to believe that I could actually do this, even though it still felt impossibly far away.

Mile 25.  This was when I decided that I needed to make something happen and it needed to happen NOW.  I was going to finish strong and give it everything that I had left even if it wasn’t enough for a BQ, I was going to lay it all out.  Before this point I was scared.  Scared to give everything and still come up short.  Scared that I didn’t have enough.  Scared to really want it.  But still, I wanted to give everything.  I shifted gears and started to kick.  8:08 minutes for mile 26!  Then I passed the last mile marker and there was just 0.2 miles left.  I could see the finish line.  Did I have just a little more?  Yes! 7:11 pace.

Stopped the Garmin at 3:40:24.
Official time 3:40:21.

Going in, I thought that I would know in the first few miles of the race if I was going to qualify or not.  That I’d have the time to accept my fate.  I thought it would be a done deal, either yes or no, by at least the half way point.  I didn’t want it to be close.  I didn’t want to have to face those questions from miles 20-25.  But that’s not what happened.  I’ve never been through anything so emotionally, mentally, and physically demanding as this race.  And I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

Here is the picture that best captures everything about this day for me (intensity, focus, determination, pain):

p.s. The Gazelle qualified at her FIRST marathon.  3:40:40!!!

So, this morning I did this:

And I just now, I saw this:

8 hours!  And it closed (article here).  Mr. Dawn reminded me this morning at 9:25 am to register.  I wanted to wait until I was sure that I’d be able to get out of work.  His response was: “You’re running Boston. I don’t care what they say.  This is Big.”  Wow am I glad that my husband is so supportive and knows what a big deal this is to me!  I would have been brokenhearted if I had waited and it was too late.  He takes good care of me.

And just for the record, I did get approval for the time off.  Both of my bosses are super supportive and understanding.  One of them just asked me to coach him to his first marathon!

Grand Rapids Marahthon.

October 17, 2010.

Beautiful course.

Perfect Weather.

Epic Cheering Squad.

One guardian angel.

Yes.

It is done.

And I am qualified.

I just sat down with the intention of highlighting and thanking all the people who are going to be cheering me on this weekend.  It’s way emotional.  To think about all the amazing people who have gone out of their way to believe in me makes me want to burst into grateful happy tears.  But I will pull it together to give them the credit they deserve.

Mr. Dawn.

He has kept my world together in every way imaginable over the last 6 months 2.5 years close to five years.  He encourages me to go running when I’m feeling unmotivated, he finds cheap treadmills when its too hot, he sacrifices part of his “band room” for my “home gym”.  In every possible way he supports me and believes in me.

Mom & Dad.

I’m so excited that my parents are flying into town tomorrow to watch me run on Sunday.  They were both there at my first marathon in 2007 and this will be the first time since then that they’ve both seen me run a marathon.  They don’t always understand why I do this to myself but they are so proud of me.  My dad works in a hospital and loves to run around talking about his “daughter the marathoner.”

The In-laws: Momma and Pappa C.

Not only am I blessed to have my parents in town, but Mr. Dawn’s folks are making the trip as well!  This is gonna be Pappa C’s first time spectating any race anywhere!  I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t know what he’s in for   This will be Momma C’s THIRD marathon experience with me.  I think she’s caught the bug.

Andi.

Andi is my running sister.  She and I started running around the same time and when we worked at summer camp together found a bond through early early morning runs.  By the end of our that summer running together we decided to train for our first full marathon.  We ran every step of that race together.  Since then we’ve grown up, moved to opposite ends of the contry, gotten big girl jobs, and both run other marathons.  This will be the first time in five years that she’s been with me during a marathon.  She may not be running it, but I can guarantee that she will be a huge part of my race on Sunday.  She’s bringing her bike and a backpack to carry any-and-everything that I might need.  I will owe whatever happens on Sunday to her.

KT.

My Rockford Marathon superstar!  She has been slowly rebuilding and recovering from some injuries that she got while running the marathon this past spring.  She and I still run together once or twice a week which has been so amazing.  OH–and she’s ENGAGED now!  It’s so very exciting.  Maybe after the race we’ll have to hit up some Grand Rapids bridal stores

K-Mo & J-Money.

I didn’t even know that these two wonderful people were planning on coming to the race til Mr. Dawn said something about it.  They are our favorite game night/movie night/wii night company.  From long conversations to backpacking adventures we LOVE these two! J-Money ran with me a little bit last fall training for his first 5k.  Now, he’s a full-on triathlete!  I was so sad that I was out of town for his tri-debut.  Even though I missed that they are still going to make the trek to Grand Rapids to support this crazy marathon girl.  Unbelievable!

E.

A former student of mine was actually training to run Grand Rapids this year.  Due to injuries, he had to stop his training and withdraw from the marathon.  He has been rehabilitating and is feeling better.  If all goes according to plan he will meet me at mile 23 and be the fresh-legged inspiration I need to cross the line and get that all-elusive BQ.  I’m super excited to run with him!  In high school he went to state for cross-country and was pretty much a superstar runner.

Then there are the many many other bloggers that will be out there running the race and/or cheering.  It’s definitely going to be EPIC!  If I missed anyone and you’re going to be there, let me know!!

I hadn’t realized how much of my time was consumed by running until the past few days.  I’m running (relatively speaking) very few miles these days which leaves me with oodles of time on my hands.  I’ve been getting laundry done, making dinner, and hanging out with Mr. Dawn.

Today we went on a mission.  Mission: Walmart.  We didn’t buy much, but it was super fun to hang out and chat.  Walk around and talk about what appliances we need and don’t need.  I think we decided to get the strainer attachment for our kitchenaid to help in the massive amounts of applesauce that we’ve been making and/or eating

Then, he surprised me by taking me to my favorite place: The Chocolate Cafe.  Yumm!