running: the dawn

In the weeks and months leading up to the Grand Rapids Marathon I believed that it was going to play out in one of two ways:  I would either crumble into a pile of cramping pain, puking my guts out, and crawling on my hands and knees across the finish line in a humiliating PW (personal worst) time; OR I would breeze through on clouds of bubble gum and roses crossing the finish line practically on wings.  I mean that’s what happens when you go after a BQ (Boston Qualifier) time, right?  Success or utter failure.  It takes the perfect race, with perfect conditions, after perfectly training.  Its either going to all come together or you’re going to fall apart.  At least that’s what I convinced myself would happen.

This race was neither of those.  It was not perfect, but I didn’t fall completely apart.  I succeeded and yet there were such feelings of failure weaved throughout the marathon.  I’ve been having such a hard time putting my feelings about this race into words, so bear with me if this report contains more emotional tangents than necessary and/or doesn’t really make sense.

Expo

I wasn’t able to spend much time at the expo since we got there 45 minutes before  it was going to close and a lot of the vendors where already packing up shop and calling it a day.  So I got in and out in almost no time at all.  The expo was on the 3rd floor of one of the most impressive YMCA’s that I’ve ever seen!  There was an entire indoor water park with slides, a huge gym and so many different areas for every kind of exercise.  If I lived in Grand Rapids, I would hang out there all the time.

Race Eve Prep

Mr. Dawn called the Olive Garden one block from our hotel to get our names on the list and we got there just in time to walk right into our table.  It was genius.  I ate the entire dinner portion of my capellini pomodoro, along with two full salads and almost a dozen bread sticks!  I can’t ever finish my dish, but Mr. Dawn kept handing me more bread saying “carb it up!”  Sounded good to me!

I wanted to get a bagel, so we headed over to Panera.  Then mom needed some art supplies for her poster-making so we made a quick Target run.  Well, it was supposed to be quick.  Mom ran in while we stayed in the car.  We were just circling the lot waiting for her to come out when some poor teenage girl runs her car RIGHT into us.  It was NOT awesome.  Luckily dad had opted for the insurance when they rented their car so it wasn’t too awful.  Our group had two cars, so I could get shuttled back to the hotel while they were dealing with the police reports and such.  I was pretty sure that this was a bad way to keep me “calm” and “centered” for the race…

Finally I was back to the hotel studying the map and laying out my gear.

Race Day **whew…just typing that brought back a flood of emotion…pull it together woman**

I slept amazing from 9:30pm to 1:30am.  Then it was 45 minute intervals of sleep, check time, sleep, check time, sleep…until 6 when my alarm went off and it was time for my breakfast.  I ate a Luna bar, bagel, and drank some Gatorade.  I suited up and was ready to roll by 7am.

We got to the YMCA and I hopped out so they could go find a parking spot and I could get in the port-a-potty line.  The lines were much longer than I expected, since we also had access to the bathrooms inside.  I was able to use the facilities, find the Gazelle, get hugs from my cheer squad, and make it to the corral.

I felt calm, relaxed, and excited.  There’s always a buzz in the air in the few moments before a marathon begins.  I love looking around and realizing that these are the people that will forever share this day–this race–with me.  I think about all the hours of training we’ve all put in, the commitment we each made, the hopes that we will carry with us.  It’s amazing to be connected to so many people.

Then the countdown and we were off.  Honestly, from the start to mile 14, the race was very one note.  Everything felt fine, there were some hills but our pace was even and conservative.  We talked very little except to check our pace bands and compare notes on how we were feeling about the pace.  It was a beautiful day to run and we were really enjoying ourselves.

We got to see our cheering team the first time at around mile 7, and they were so great!  Cowbells, signs, the whole 9.  For this race I went with a new hydration plan.  Since I knew that I would be able to see my crew at 7, 12, 17, and 23 we had two 10 oz. handhelds pre-stocked with gu and salt that we would trade out.  It worked like a dream.  I would toss my bottle to someone, Andi would hand me the new one with a 50/50 mix of Gatorade and water.  No muss, no fuss.

Somewhere around mile 8 a guy started talking to me about my skirt.  He asked “what is that?” and after I figured out what he was referring to I told him that he could buy his own at runningskirts.com! Sure, guys wear them too!  I think another guy asked if I was wearing a kilt, or if I was Scottish or something, but I couldn’t really understand, so I laughed and just kept running.

Mile 14.  I met one of my guardian angels.  I didn’t know it at the time, but talking to the Marathon Maniac with the peace signs on his headband was one of the best decision I made all day.  I said, “Hey Maniac, what number marathon is this for this year?”  We chatted about his marathons and learned that this was his fourth marathon in 9 days!  Two last week, including Chicago, and two this week: Indianapolis and Grand Rapids.  We told him that we were trying to qualify for Boston and learned that he qualified last year at Chicago, but was using that time to register this year.  So we talked about registration opening “tomorrow” (Monday) and wondering how it was going to play out.  This caught the attention of an older man running just slightly in front of us.  Turns out he was pacing his running partner at her BQ attempt.  From then on we became a team.  An impromptu pace group with the goal of 3:40:59.  I didn’t recognize that the Maniac was intentionally staying with us until the turn around at 17.  I asked if his goal was now 3:40 and he said, “Well, I have to see that you guys make it to Boston!”

The game plan was to keep the pace at or below 8:26 until mile 20, and then if there was any get-up-and-go left we could start speeding up after 20.  The good part of this plan was that we didn’t go out too fast and burn up our energy early.  The downside to this plan was that when we got to mile 20 and I didn’t have any speed left there was such a small margin of error I just wasn’t sure that I was going to be able to hang on.  I was measuring everything in seconds.  It was terrifying.  I knew that there could be NO slowing down.  I had to maintain.  And that started messing with my head.  My legs felt fine, but the more I thought about how close I was going to be to either making or missing my goal my heart rate would soar and my breathing would fall off sync.

Somewhere between mile 21 and 22 I fell off pace and the Gazelle got out in front of me.  This did not help my mental anguish.  All I could think about was that I didn’t want to miss it by 5 seconds.  I didn’t want to cross the finish line in 3:41:04.  I’d rather miss it by a mile.  That made the overwhelming desire to walk even stronger.  That was when the Maniac turned coach and saved me.  He kept saying that I was still on pace and I was going to pull through this rough spot.  He told me to pick a spot on the Gazelle’s shirt and to keep my focus on it, blot out distractions and just breathe.  He told me about the tough times during his BQ attempt and how he pulled through.  I didn’t quite believe that I was going to make it, but I know that if he hadn’t been there I would have walked.

By 23.5 Mr. Dawn and Andi showed up again.  Mr. Dawn started running along side and switched out my water bottle and the new one had wonderfully ice cold water that never tasted so good!  He ran me up the hill and then broke off.  Just after that E (former student) was waiting to run me to the finish.  It was so great to have another person to distract me.  Another voice telling me that I was running strong and looking good.  I didn’t feel good, but hearing that from the Maniac, Mr. Dawn, and E was so helpful.

Somewhere around 24 I caught back up to the Gazelle.  Maniac man pointed out that it wasn’t because she’d slowed down, but we had gotten back on pace and gained on her.  Mr. Dawn met us again at 24.5 just as I started to pull out ahead.  I started to believe that I could actually do this, even though it still felt impossibly far away.

Mile 25.  This was when I decided that I needed to make something happen and it needed to happen NOW.  I was going to finish strong and give it everything that I had left even if it wasn’t enough for a BQ, I was going to lay it all out.  Before this point I was scared.  Scared to give everything and still come up short.  Scared that I didn’t have enough.  Scared to really want it.  But still, I wanted to give everything.  I shifted gears and started to kick.  8:08 minutes for mile 26!  Then I passed the last mile marker and there was just 0.2 miles left.  I could see the finish line.  Did I have just a little more?  Yes! 7:11 pace.

Stopped the Garmin at 3:40:24.
Official time 3:40:21.

Going in, I thought that I would know in the first few miles of the race if I was going to qualify or not.  That I’d have the time to accept my fate.  I thought it would be a done deal, either yes or no, by at least the half way point.  I didn’t want it to be close.  I didn’t want to have to face those questions from miles 20-25.  But that’s not what happened.  I’ve never been through anything so emotionally, mentally, and physically demanding as this race.  And I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

Here is the picture that best captures everything about this day for me (intensity, focus, determination, pain):

p.s. The Gazelle qualified at her FIRST marathon.  3:40:40!!!