running: the dawn

Ok, so I know that it’s been WAY WAY WAY too long.  Honestly, when I try to think of why I’ve been away from blogging for so long, I don’t really have a good reason.  I mean at first there were a few days of packing.  Mr. Dawn loaded the truck and drove away with our house-full of belongings and I moved in with a friend to finish out the school year.  Then the big “it’s finals week and I can’t believe how much grading I have to do!!”  Another couple weeks of cleaning my classroom, finishing my grades, and making final preparations to say good bye to our little house…

Then I got in my car and headed out of town for the last time.  There may have been tears.  I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be to drive away from what had been such a happy time in our lives.

Maybe I’ve been avoiding writing, because I wasn’t ready to process.  I didn’t want to have to admit, out loud, that a chapter of my life has really ended.  It was soothing to me to have a feeling of “dot-dot-dot” (any bachelorette fans out there?) with my life up north.  Like I was going to be back to running my old familiar routes in no time.  Apparently, I’m having a hard time moving on.

In addition to that, I’ve had a hard time knowing how to write about my “new” life.  I’ve been in our new house–the cottage–for a little over three weeks now.  I have plenty of time to write, but still I’ve chosen not to.  At first I was unpacking and trying to find places for all of our stuff in a house that is 2 rooms smaller than our last place.  An ongoing project is my resume, application, look for a job extravaganza.  I’ve been overwhelmed by 10 or so days of weather over 100 degrees (110 is the hottest…so far…).  I’ve run.  I’ve cooked.  I’ve found running routes.  I planted flowers.

All in an attempt to find the home that I hope to make here.  I don’t feel like I’m there yet, but its getting better.

This weekend we met up with my parents for the holidays (yay for living 3.5 hours away rather than 10+).  It was a great time at the lake: swimming, grilling, playing games, watching movies.  And yesterday, as we were driving into our little neighborhood, I felt it.  That warm feeling of being in familiar territory.  Of coming home.

Now, I’m still not sure I’m “there” yet.  We still have many days to go before I feel fully integrated into life here, but I do feel like I’m making strides.  Which I guess makes me feel safe to start writing again…

It would be really easy for me to say that I’ve been busy, stressed, etc and couldn’t write.  But the truth is, I’ve had time.  I just didn’t trust myself to find words to share.  And I didn’t like the words that came to mind.  I’ve been searching.  Searching for home.  Searching for myself–here.  But I guess now I’m ready to share that journey.  I’m ready to start processing out loud (or in written form, whateve’s).  Thanks for sticking with me through the un-planned blog sabbatical