Finally, 10 days after my offer letter, I start my new job tomorrow morning.
I remember the last time that I felt like this. I had just moved from Vermont to Kansas City. I’d been accepted into my graduate program. It was the day of my first class. I was going to night school, so I had all morning and afternoon to work myself into an anxious frenzy. What if I can’t do this? What if no one talks to me? What if I don’t understand the material? What if…? What if…? In fact, I was so worked up that Mr. Dawn (at that time he was my boyfriend of six months) decided to drive me to school. He might have been concerned that I would talk myself out of showing up at all…
I remember sitting in the car with him. We had pulled up to the building and he was waiting for me to get out. I announced, “I can’t do this! I’m not going in. Let’s just leave.” He smiled (actually, I’m pretty sure he actually laughed out loud cause he thought I was joking) and reassured me that I was capable and I would be just fine. (See, he’s been my best supporter from the very beginning!) And you know what? He was right. I enjoyed that class and made friends that lasted through out my two year program. We became a little “crew” that would sit together and sign up to take classes together (like on Community…ish). I loved it. It wasn’t easy. I had classes 2-3 times a week, always from 6-10pm after a full workday. I had projects, papers, and lots and lots of reading. But it was great. And I discovered I was stronger than I imagined.
But now, three years later, I’m having those same feelings. Will I be any good at my new job? Will I make friends? How is this going to shape me? Who am I about to become? And I’m scared.
I’ve decided that I’m going to let myself feel whatever emotions I need to until I go to sleep tonight. Then it’s “game face” time. I’m going to enjoy my last lazy, jobless day. Maybe wallow a little bit. Before I snap out of it and hit the ground running tomorrow.
I am feeling somewhat excited about wearing something besides shorts and flip flops. I even might venture back into the world of high heels and professional suits…
Any advice for my first day?