running: the dawn

Seriously.  Every time I disappear from my blog, I vow that I will not let another unplanned hiatus keep me from posting.  And yet, here I am again.  6 weeks down the road from my last post.  Sigh.  What can you do?  Time to dust myself off and keep moving forward.

Just to keep us all on the same page, here are the highlights:

• I started my new job.
• I started traveling weekly with my new job (like immediately, day 2 I was on the road).
• I LOVE my new job.  I’m pretty sure that I say to Mr. Dawn almost every day how much I love my job.  I’m not sure this is a good idea, since he doesn’t have the same feelings towards me being gone so much.
• We found a house, made an offer, and started packing up.
• We closed on our house!  Homeownership?  Does that mean that I’m an adult now?
• We moved the same day we closed.  Oh, and I worked that day too.  Thankfully we have amazing friends that helped Mr. Dawn load and unload the truck.  All I did to help was go out to eat with them as a thank you.
• Unpacking is almost as painful as packing.  And I am starting to feel like an expert on both.
• I have run a negligible amount.  I do a decent job of running while I’m on the road, but slack off pretty hard core while I’m at home.

Finally, 10 days after my offer letter, I start my new job tomorrow morning.

I remember the last time that I felt like this.  I had just moved from Vermont to Kansas City.  I’d been accepted into my graduate program.  It was the day of my first class.  I was going to night school, so I had all morning and afternoon to work myself into an anxious frenzy.  What if I can’t do this?  What if no one talks to me?  What if I don’t understand the material?  What if…?  What if…?  In fact, I was so worked up that Mr. Dawn (at that time he was my boyfriend of six months) decided to drive me to school.  He might have been concerned that I would talk myself out of showing up at all…

I remember sitting in the car with him.  We had pulled up to the building and he was waiting for me to get out.  I announced, “I can’t do this! I’m not going in. Let’s just leave.”  He smiled (actually, I’m pretty sure he actually laughed out loud cause he thought I was joking) and reassured me that I was capable and I would be just fine.  (See, he’s been my best supporter from the very beginning!)  And you know what?  He was right.  I enjoyed that class and made friends that lasted through out my two year program.  We became a little “crew” that would sit together and sign up to take classes together (like on Community…ish).  I loved it.  It wasn’t easy.  I had classes 2-3 times a week, always from 6-10pm after a full workday.  I had projects, papers, and lots and lots of reading.  But it was great.  And I discovered I was stronger than I imagined.

But now, three years later, I’m having those same feelings.  Will I be any good at my new job?  Will I make friends?  How is this going to shape me?  Who am I about to become?  And I’m scared.

I’ve decided that I’m going to let myself feel whatever emotions I need to until I go to sleep tonight.  Then it’s “game face” time.  I’m going to enjoy my last lazy, jobless day.  Maybe wallow a little bit.  Before I snap out of it and hit the ground running tomorrow.

I am feeling somewhat excited about wearing something besides shorts and flip flops.  I even might venture back into the world of high heels and professional suits…

my work appropriate shoes

my big girl clothes

Any advice for my first day?

Thats right.  After 6 months of aimless running (also known as “non-running”) I’ve officially signed up for my next marathon.  EEEEEEEEE!  Squeals of delight!  I’m not sure why it makes such a big difference to me, but I already feel different.  My training doesn’t officially begin for a few weeks, but I’m super excited.

My plan is to do a six week base building phase followed by a 12-week training cycle.  The base building is all about getting my groove back.  I need to get used to running frequently and increasing my weekly mileage and the length of my long runs.  This is HUGE especially since right now a five mile run would be considered “long” [blush].

I’m going to be following my FAVORITE plan.  Yes, Mr. Pete Pfitzinger is my go to guy when it comes to focused training.  It is the 12 week, 55 mile max plan from the book Advanced Marathoning.  It got me to my first sub four and my BQ last year at Grand Rapids.

I have NO idea what kind of goal I’m going to be setting for myself.  I’m going to put that off for awhile until I can see how my life shakes out in the next few months.  I have no idea how things are going to go once I get into my new job and all the traveling.  So, for now, my only goal is to hang out with my favorite race distance: the marathon!

~~~in other news~~~

Mr. Dawn and I signed our first “offer” to buy a house today.  Eeep!  I’m pretty sure my life has gone through TOO many changes in such a short time.  We really need to start spacing these things out….or I’m going to pass out!

Sigh.  I know.  It’s been super long since I updated.  There are excuses, but none of them really matter now.  It’s time to get on with it.

First, some pictures of what I’ve been up to…

Our last night in Kansas...we found this strange little car...

We stopped by Mr. Dawn's elementary school reunion...I think someone was telling jokes...or I just like laughing at nothing...

I was in my running BFF's wedding. Just so you know, someone said, "be gangster" right before they took this picture. Apparently to everyone else that means, "show off your nails and still look cute." And I'm left being the only one that looks like I'm rapping....

I just HAD to show you this pic from the wedding. Isn't it fun!?! I just want to point out two things: First, I couldn't actually "jump" because I was tired of buckling and unbuckling my 4 inch heels, so I was pretending and Second: look at the guy next to me--he's just hovering. Awesome!

Mr. Dawn and I arrived down south approximately a month ago.  We stayed with some friends for a week while we waited for our truck to arrive with all of our belongings.  Then we set up our temporary home.  I say temporary because we moved in here knowing that we’re going to be finding a more permanent dwelling sometime in the next year.  Currently we are in a little rental that is miles away from Mr. Dawn’s job.  We unpacked our summer clothes and enough of the essentials to be able to live and entertain comfortably.  But we have LOADS of boxes in the spare room and garage.

As Mr. Dawn began his new and super exciting job, I got down to the serious business of looking for a job.  Granted, since I knew a few weeks before the move where we’d be relocated to, I’d already applied for about a dozen jobs.  And honestly after dealing with so much rejection in Kansas (our 3 month home), I was a little beaten down.  I felt very discouraged.  While I tried to check job site often and apply to anything that I felt I was mildly qualified for, my spirit wasn’t very energetic.

I had actually applied for one particular job in the midst of an application spurt.  It was mixed in with a few others that I wasn’t as excited about.  But after thinking about it for a few days I realized that I had a friend that had worked for that organization a few years ago and I decided to text him to see if he had any insights for me or any contacts that he stayed in touch with.  Well he did!  So about a week after I applied, I emailed him and he contacted someone, who passed my name on to someone, who passed it along…and so on…and so on… That very same day, I got two emails.  One from the HR recruiter for that position and another one from the hiring manager wanting to set up a phone interview for the next day.  This was literally the first nibble that I’d had since an interview back in June.

The phone interview went well and by the end an in-person interview was scheduled.

To make a long story short(er) I got the job!!!!!

That’s the good news!

The bad news?  I’m going to be traveling 85% of the time.  So, flying out Monday morning.  Back by Friday.  Sigh.  Now, while I know that is dreadful, I do have to say that it seems to be the only thing about this job that I don’t LOVE.  I have been looking for an opportunity to get experience in a non-education field and this just seems like its going to be the perfect fit for my interests and skills.  I feel like the travel, while it is not ideal, is just something that I need to deal with while I gain as much knowledge and experience as possible.

Ok, ok, enough about “real life” what about running?  Well, that’s been coming and going in waves.  It is stupid hot here.  And the humidity?  Forget about it.  I thought the Midwest was humid?  I was wrong!  But I’ve gotten out several times a week for short runs, just trying to build back my base.  Because starting October 1, I’m going to be back to the world of marathon training!!!!!  Weeeeeeeeee!

And yes.  I do know that means that I’ll be training in conjunction with learning about my new job….not to mention spending all week living out of a suitcase and hotel.  Yes.  I know.  It’s going to be interesting.  I feel like I will learn a lot.  I will have to, right?  I’ve always been better at doing Jazzercise when I travel than I am about running.  But this will nudge me in the right direction.  At least I’m hoping so.  In fact, my goal is to sign up for the marathon by the end of the week so that my registration $$ will start to loom over me and keep me focused on my goals.

So, there it is.  My life over the past few weeks.  What about you?  What’s been going on that I’ve missed?

Ok, so I know that this post is going to feel a little repetitive.  And some people may even check the posting date since its going to feel like you’ve seen/heard all of this before.

My life is once again getting packing into boxes.  That’s right.  We’re moving.  AGAIN.

I must say that the last few weeks have been a whirlwind of changes and decisions.  Without getting into too much detail…Mr. Dawn has accepted a new job.  When we moved here to this job, we knew this would be a temporary situation.  We estimated our time here would probably be two years or less.  We didn’t ever imagine that it would have been this much less.  But, a job came to the table that is the PERFECT fit for who he is and what he wants to spend his life doing.  The one draw back is that the job is in a state that’s even farther south…so, that means we’ll be far away from family and sacrificing our winters.

That brings us back to packing tape, bubble wrap, multiple trips to the Uhaul store, and eating off of paper plates.  Ah, the joys of packing!

In the “good news” column…our new city gives me the opportunity to return to teaching Jazzercise!!!  There’s no guarantee that I’ll find a place that needs an instructor, but I’m excited about the potential  Like, really excited!

We are still ironing out the details of the move, but Mr. Dawn starts his job on August 15th.  Yes, that’s just over two weeks from now.  How insane are we?!?

As most of you know…I’ve been having a hard time finding employment since we moved.  Well.  I have found ways to keep busy.  Today, I made pillows.  Well, pillow covers.  For awhile, I’ve felt like our living room was just a little to drab.  Lots of dull colors all blending in together.

I’ve been trying to figure out what I wanted to do…which colors to use…what kind of fabric.  The only thing that I’ve learned is that I’m really not very good at the whole decorating thing.  I just can’t see where to put vases or art.  I’m horrible at deciding what kind of accent chair would look best.  In fact, we’ve gone without a table/ottoman for 3 years cause I just can’t figure out what would work best.

Well, I decided to just pick something and make it work.  I found three different fabrics.

The fun little twist is that the flower fabric is on one side of all the pillows (there’s 5 in all).  So, I can switch it up and have all flowers or some with flowers and some zebra or red.  I think it will make it more cheerful.  At least I hope so.  Now, I still need to decide on curtains, accessories, and pretty much everything else….sigh.

One step at a time….

Ok, so I know that it’s been WAY WAY WAY too long.  Honestly, when I try to think of why I’ve been away from blogging for so long, I don’t really have a good reason.  I mean at first there were a few days of packing.  Mr. Dawn loaded the truck and drove away with our house-full of belongings and I moved in with a friend to finish out the school year.  Then the big “it’s finals week and I can’t believe how much grading I have to do!!”  Another couple weeks of cleaning my classroom, finishing my grades, and making final preparations to say good bye to our little house…

Then I got in my car and headed out of town for the last time.  There may have been tears.  I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be to drive away from what had been such a happy time in our lives.

Maybe I’ve been avoiding writing, because I wasn’t ready to process.  I didn’t want to have to admit, out loud, that a chapter of my life has really ended.  It was soothing to me to have a feeling of “dot-dot-dot” (any bachelorette fans out there?) with my life up north.  Like I was going to be back to running my old familiar routes in no time.  Apparently, I’m having a hard time moving on.

In addition to that, I’ve had a hard time knowing how to write about my “new” life.  I’ve been in our new house–the cottage–for a little over three weeks now.  I have plenty of time to write, but still I’ve chosen not to.  At first I was unpacking and trying to find places for all of our stuff in a house that is 2 rooms smaller than our last place.  An ongoing project is my resume, application, look for a job extravaganza.  I’ve been overwhelmed by 10 or so days of weather over 100 degrees (110 is the hottest…so far…).  I’ve run.  I’ve cooked.  I’ve found running routes.  I planted flowers.

All in an attempt to find the home that I hope to make here.  I don’t feel like I’m there yet, but its getting better.

This weekend we met up with my parents for the holidays (yay for living 3.5 hours away rather than 10+).  It was a great time at the lake: swimming, grilling, playing games, watching movies.  And yesterday, as we were driving into our little neighborhood, I felt it.  That warm feeling of being in familiar territory.  Of coming home.

Now, I’m still not sure I’m “there” yet.  We still have many days to go before I feel fully integrated into life here, but I do feel like I’m making strides.  Which I guess makes me feel safe to start writing again…

It would be really easy for me to say that I’ve been busy, stressed, etc and couldn’t write.  But the truth is, I’ve had time.  I just didn’t trust myself to find words to share.  And I didn’t like the words that came to mind.  I’ve been searching.  Searching for home.  Searching for myself–here.  But I guess now I’m ready to share that journey.  I’m ready to start processing out loud (or in written form, whateve’s).  Thanks for sticking with me through the un-planned blog sabbatical

Awhile ago I was contacted by Canvas Prints to check out making and reviewing one of their photo canvases.  What a PERFECT time!  Moving to a new house provides all kinds of redecorating opportunity.  The challenge was finding a good picture to use.  Mr. Dawn and I are both miserable at remembering to take pictures of memorable occasions…and when we do, he usually makes a weird picture (hence the sidebar photo ).

Luckily I have an AWESOME brother who takes amazing pictures.  Remember the photo shoot he did for us over Christmas?  Well we decided that those were the best option for a picture to transform into a canvas.  I place my order about a week ago and when I got home from work today, look what I found:

I was so excited to open it and see how it turned out….

And…It’s perfection!

I choose the 8×10 canvas with a 1.5 inch wrap because I don’t plan on framing it.  I love the clean lines and simple look of the wrapped picture.  I also selected the wrapped part to be the “mirror image” of the photo which makes it look so cool!  I’m just sad that I have to pack it up with all of our other pictures until we move .  I’m so ready to find a home for my new favorite work of art.  I’m already starting to picture the other pictures that I want to add to this wall collage…

What I really liked about the site is that you can see exactly what you’re going to get.   I wasn’t sure how zoomed in I wanted to be with the picture.  I was able to play around with different options and see exactly what I was going to get before I placed my order.  And it looks exactly like I remember from the online version.

So, if you’re looking for a new wall hanging, check out Canvas Prints!

He has been confirmed with his Master’s Degree!!!!  Hurray

Oh, and no, I didn’t graduated too.  We were a little short on tickets for graduation, so he made me march with the faculty.  Hence the regalia.

As I’ve mentioned before, we are moving far far away.  In less than a month, Mr. Dawn is going to leave and start setting up our new home and then by the middle of June I will join him.

While we are deep in the middle of sorting, packing, tossing, and “repurposing” our entire house, I am also on a personal quest.  For me, every time I’ve moved (3 times in five years) its been an opportunity to rediscover who I am.  I moved to Vermont after college and discovered that I could make it on my own.  I was able to move to an unknown area with no friends or family and find meaningful community.  When I then moved to Kansas City after Mr. Dawn and I started dating I discovered that I don’t do well sitting behind a desk for 8 hours a day.  I need to be in a job where I can interact with people and build relationships.  When we moved up here three years ago I discovered how much I enjoy working on a University campus.  I love working for an organization that is committed to the future of our youth, our families, and ultimately our country.

So, now, I ask, what is this next move going to reveal to me about who I am?  How is my next job going to shape me as a person and as a professional?  I ask these questions while I’m filling out countless job applications, sending resumes, detailing my cover letters, and stalking job websites.  I have an undergraduate degree in math education and a master’s degree in organizational development.  Where will I work?  What will I do?  It might be teaching.  But it might not.  I have no idea.

Honestly, right now I don’t know how to balance the two sides of the coin.  I desperately want to find any job.  Having just bought a new car I feel somewhat urgent to be a financially contributing member of this family.  However, I’m terrified to be stuck in a job that I hate.  I have been in that situation several times in my life and there is nothing quite as soul-draining as a ill fitted job.

Here’s to new beginnings!